The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, “If we’re going to charge $10 an hour, we can’t call it jumping up and down.”  ~Rita Rudner

The truth is found in comedy.

I loathe aerobics.  I hate them.  I want them to die a 1 2 3….grapevine! death.

you should hate them too.  girls, really.  they don’t do a thing for you but make you hyper and a little too chipper and just make girls like me want to punch you.  and, trust me, since i pump some iron, you don’t want that.

it’s not your fault.  it’s all you’ve every heard.  cut out the fat from your diet and do a minimum of 30 minutes of aerobic exercise a day, sustaining between 60-75% of your target heart rate….every day.  um…first of all, yawn.  secondly, do you really have to be a mathematician to get in shape?

of course, aerobics takes place in a box with canned lighting overhead and crap music….with the same steps.  over and over.  for a minimum of thirty minutes.  every day.

have you ever noticed that men lose weight really quickly and get ripped really easily?  how many men are in your aerobics classes?  that’s what i thought.  where are they?  the weight room.  yep.  the weight room.

of course, the weight room is still in the box with the canned lighting, but: 1. they generally have better music and 2. it’s not BORING.  boring is the mortal fitness sin.

i ultimately want you to go outside and play.  there’s plenty of heavy stuff to pick up, carry, and throw out there.  remember when you were a little kid, back before you first heard the phrase “girls don’t do that” that crushed all your fun?  remember that feeling that the world was all yours to do with what you wanted?  when you used to race boys and climb trees and throw rocks into the water to see who could get the biggest splash?  THAT’S what i want you to feel when you “work out”….not the monotony of 1 2 3 grapevine…..

this is just to get you to start thinking.  there’s plenty of science that we can eventually get into and we will, but i double dog dare you to spend a month NOT cutting the fat out of your diet and working with weights instead of doing aerobics.  that way, in thirty days, when i’m a whole month stronger, you won’t have to sustain a punch from me in your aerobically deconditioned gut.

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