i hate the wave of spirituality, or whatever you wanna call it, that is all about ‘killing the ego’.  of course, to be clear, i hate most waves of spirituality.  on some level, they are all different forms of escapism from the messiness of life.

the ego is the bad guy i a lot of movements, i know.  i may even be attacking the golden cow of buddhism, which people tend to let squeak by as “philosophy” and not “religion”.  but, i’ve spent the last three days in bed, unable to even read because my fever was so ridiculous, and i’m feelin’ cranky, so even, you buddhism, are going down!

let’s go back to psych 101.  there’s none of my love wasted on freud, but he created the idea of the ego, the id, and the super-ego that we’ve all agreed to run with.  the id is our wildest, most “primitive” self (a wild child), the super-ego is the rule follower (it absorbs all the stories we’re told by our parents and society and sees them as law), and in between, is our ego.  our ego is what tries to negotiate between them.  our ego is our own self-identification between our primitive self and our societal self.  it is the voice that says:  this is what “I” think.

i’m not clear on how he got to be such a bad guy.  maybe it’s because neither society nor spirituality wants us to be able to say: this is what “I” think.

of course, the super-ego, the dogmatic follower of doctrine, is in all sorts of trouble from the get-go.  not because the super-ego is bad (seriously, do we still have to deal with good/bad, evil/holy?  things just ARE.), but because the stories it has to absorb from our parents and from society are, in a word, fucked.

i feel bad for my poor ego.  how does it reconcile the bullshit patriarchal paradigm and the wild child within?  it’s an enormous task.  the last thing i want to do is kill it.

looking into the world, i don’t see a problem with people’s inflated sense of self.  in general, the problem seems to be that people’s sense of self is incredibly fragile, brittle.  the ego can be a malleable, bendable thing so that it doesn’t shatter, but doing away with it completely is tragic.

it is hard for the ego to develop healthily in an environment that: 1. doesn’t want it.  and 2. lies.  the self has to incorporate a mountain of lies from society and then apologize for its own existence.

don’t kill your ego.  tell it the truth.  let it know that it doesn’t have to be rigid.  only imbeciles don’t change their mind, but your sense of self can remain intact.