Things that I have done in Nairobi, Kenya.

1. Hiked the Ngong hills.

2. Had dawa cocktails.

3. Gone to see a kanga exhibit.

4. Went to the National museum and snake park.

5. Ate at Carnivore.

6. Went to the elephant orphanage.

7. Went to the animal orphanage.

8. Ate ethiopian food.

9. Went salsa dancing.

10. Spent the day at Kitengela Glass.

11. Went to the mall here where they check for car bombs.

12. Was introduced to Nakumatt.

13. Was six feet from a baboon not in a a cage.

14. Had lunch at a restaurant populated with white Kenyans in Karen.

15. Almost got mugged on a Mmatatu.

16. Went to the pineapple plantation capital and waited.

17. Went to a home for “street kids”.

18. Heard Ladysmith Black Mombazo perform live.

19. Met a couple of Maasai men.

20. Ate ugali.

21. Was introduced as “half-caste”

22. Drank camel milk.

23. Rode a camel on the shore of the Indian Ocean (not the same one who’s milk I drank.)

24. Made out with a giraffe.

25. Went on safari.

26. Saw the big five in one morning.

27. Fell in love.

28. Met the tallest man I’ve ever seen.

29. Had high tea at the historic Norfolk.

30. Broke my toe instead of climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro.

31. Went to a hookah bar.

32. Got hooked on a telenovela from Mexico.

33. Puked all over Hell’s Gate.

34. Took the night train to Mombasa…kind of.

35. Ate meat I picked out myself from the butcher at a Nyama choma joint in a a carwash.

36. Ate smoked grilled squid in a food court in a mall.

37. Saw the Turknana boy and Lucy…twice.

38. Danced with a drumming troupe that was playing West African/Haitian music.

39. Fed bush babies bananas.

40. Swam in the Indian Ocean.

41. Straddled Kenya and Tanzania, then jumped for joy!

42. Slept in a tent not ten feet away from a hippo trail.

43. Was woken up by a monkey in my room.

44. Chased a warthog out of the dining tent.

45. Ate bananas and passion fruit from the garden.

46. Had lunch at a table strewn with rose petals over a carpet of lemon grass.

47. Flew over the Rift of the great rift valley.

48. Had lunch at a tea plantation.

49. Went to Leakey’s grave.

50. Had ice cream then met the cows the cream came from.

51. Was looked after by a Rasta-Maasai boy with 23 brothers and sisters and a father who carries scars from the colonial days.

52. Was still the day of Wangari Maathai’s funeral.

53. Visited the train museum and climbed onto all of the old steam engines.

54. Got intoxicated with the honey smell of jacaranda blossoms.

55. Danced with the Maasai and was offered an engagement necklace.

56. Had drinks with a bald siek.

57. Went on a tour of the remaining forest in tea plantation land.

58. Bonded with a very wild cat.

59. Was this {} close to an unhappy lion.

60. Visited a school that services the biggest slum and mesmerized the kids with my tattoo.

61. Stood on the helipad of the Kenyatta International Conference Center.

62. Went to horror theater-a scary play.

63. Ate countless smokies off the street.

64. Ate fish from the Nile.

65. Had tea with a 6’1 ex-prison guard for men in Germany, and she was really cool.

66. Traumatized a potential suitor when I explained I was atheist. I think I was his first.

67. Learned not to stand too close to the hedges because there there be snakes.

68. Drank almost a whole bottle of tej.

69. Gained perspective.

70. Expanded my Kiswahili vocabulary to 10 words.

71. Watched American t.v. and from the distance saw even clearer how absurd it all is.

72. Had a massage while monkeys ran across the roof of the tent.

73. Had a fervent political discussion with a young doctor from Italy while we played in the waves.

74. Ate so much local pineapple that my mouth ulcerated.

75. Drove past a town full of baobabs and was humbled.

76. Heard my son referred to as a warrior over and over.

77. Outfitted myself in kikoy and kangas.

78. Got all dolled up for an actual ball. And my friend and I were for sure the belles.

79. Felt at home for the first time in years.